Dog dung vigilantes

Article about dogs’ toilet habits and associated civic problems
By Laure-Anne Viselé, January 2011

I got a couple of “Dear Canis bonus” letters complaining about dog waste. It got me thinking about my own civic crimes as a dog owner…

The ‘number one’ story (pun intended)

“Dear Laure-Anne.

I saw your Tweet about electric dog collars and I was wondering if you knew of an animal friendly solution so that dogs walking along my taxus hedge do not pee on it.

I know I can try to catch the owners but I can’t do that for 24h a day. Even if I did catch them, I think they’d just do it when I am not looking, so my plant won’t be any better for it. I Googled it, and there are many opinions, but nobody seems to have a good solution.”

The ‘number two’ (yes, yes, pun is intended here too)

“Hello Canis Bonus Master [I loved that]

We have a BIIIIIG poo problem on our pavement, and we can’t seem to catch the stupid owner. We’re working on it, but he has the bizarrest of timings. It’s something like midnight and six in the morning. So short of holding a vigil, we’re not about to catch him (her?) red-handed…

We think it’s this 6-foot-2-tall guy. If it is, his dog is a young mastiff type. The kind that gets really big. For obvious reasons, we want to avoid antagonising him (did I mention about the 6 foot and his giant dog?).

I have heard some tips about making the pavement less attractive to dogs: pepper, vinegar, etc….

So:

1. Do you know if that actually works
2. Secondly, isn’t it TOO unattractive to dogs?

Do you know of any other tip maybe?”

Number one: guilty as charged…

Number one is a tough one for me to answer without winning the Olympic gold medal in hypocrisy. Here’s the mile-long disclaimer before you judge me too harshly:

We don’t have a park near my house, so we take our regular walks through the streets of our village. That means that my dog relieves himself against people’s hedges at times. If the owner is in sight, I curb the dog away or look as apologetic as I can manage if he had started.

When I stop to think about it, I am kind of sure the owners would mind if they saw us. And, no matter how I look at it, the plant definitely can’t be happy about it.

But the idea of curbing my dog every two seconds on our evening walk feels like just another in the list of many many many restrictions he has to face. To him, the whole point of our evening walk is the sniff-and-pee routine. The training solution would be to teach him to relief himself against non-living structures only (walls – surely that’s allowed, right?; lamp posts, etc.).

I am curious about your opinions: am I being totally selfish and anti-social and dog-centric? Could well be, and if that’s the way the wind blows (we’ll see what the comments say), then I pledge to make the extra effort.

Number two: never, niente, jamais!

I have become a lot more categorical here. I used to be slack, but a friend of mine made a remark and I saw the light. On behalf of the previous me (and the giant dogs I used to have, with correspondingly-sized dung), I apologise.

There is really no excuse for not picking up after your dog. I don’t care if the path is in the middle of the desert, if it’s raining buckets or if you have plastic allergies. Just do it! You’re giving the rest of us a bad name and paving the way for even more restrictive dog legislation.

If you’re pooper-scooperless, at least shove the evidence away from foot traffic. Yes, even in the middle of a field at the dog park! I know I will be grateful for not having to scrape my shoes before I get in the car once again.

Potential solutions

Chemical warfare

When I researched commercial dog repellents, I never really found one that got convincingly good reviews, so I wouldn’t dare advise on one.

When it comes to natural remedies, we tried a few when we were trying for Roger to selectively relieve himself in certain spots of our backyard only. Result? He became hell-bent on doing the business on the cluster of supposedly dog-repellent plants (e.g. citronella, lemon basil, etc.). Not a mind-blowing success.

I also tried a really nasty mix of water with crushed garlic and pimento, but it was more or less the same story (and it killed my plants!). This one is not 100% safe for kids or dogs as it can really burn and sting (paw pads, eyes, nose).

The Bhuddist way

If you can’t stop a dog doing something, why not turn it around: have him want to do it in one (convenient) spot. I don’t quite know what’s so Buddhist about it, but hey, I felt like using the word now that I know how to spell it without looking it up.

So you could buy the ‘pee post‘. It’s supposed to contain pheromones that make male dogs want to urine-mark it. The reviews I read were quite mixed too, so I’m not sure what it’s worth.

The pee post

Communicate, mmmmmkay?

Then, there’s always good old communication.

I once gave ‘the look’ to a woman who let her dog relieve itself in my front garden. She responded in true Dutch form: “It’s not really maintained anyway.” So much for the communication experiment. And to go back to my reader’s letter, there’s no guarantee you’ll be there each time a dog approaches your precious hedge.

But here’s the thing: perhaps you don’t have to confront anyone in person. Methinks a polite (or downright abrasive) note in your front garden or on the pavement can shake some sense into even the rudest of dog owners.

Check these out for inspiration (some of them are not for the faint-hearted or young ears):

Clear, visual, concise

Kind of cute

Getting more intense

To view the more strongly-worded signs, click on this link. The password is ‘iwaswarned‘.

Any comments

I would love to hear from you if you:

• Have a dog and are sometimes naughty with the pooper scooper (conveniently forget to use it)
• Have a dog and are wondering where on earth they are meant to urinate if not, sometimes, on people’s hedges.
• Are you plagued by a dog eliminating on, or close to, your property
• Have tried the pee post. How did it go?
• Have tried a natural (or commercial) repellent. What did you use and how did it go?

Further reading

Miscellaneous

• Dog fancy dress – Lots and lots of hilarious dog disguises. Totally ridiculous.
• Extreme grooming – Some things should be illegal…
• Jogging with your dog – A sneak preview to my atrocious musical taste

Dogs and society

• Hot dogs – Quick poll about hotly debated dog issues (e.g. leash/no leash, treat/no treat, etc.)
• Dogs, my philosophical position – Canis bonus position statement on debated dog issues
• Thinking of getting a dog? Reality check – Article about responsibilities and chores of dog ownership

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